28 March 2018

Oh my darling, how loved you are. When I first saw that faint little pink line on the pregnancy test, I truly couldn’t comprehend it. I tested about a million times more in the following days, each time being more and more in awe.


Deleted Letters to Bumblebee

My last post held letters to my future “baby bee.” Those letters hold everything I want my child to know: that (s)he is loved, wanted, and prayed for. But there are things those letters lack: the anger, the pain, the struggle. Sure, they make mention of those, briefly. But they really don’t accurately represent the negative thoughts. And why should they? Eventually, when those letters are handed down, I don’t want the burden of the hardship I faced (am facing) to be felt by my son/daughter. So I leave them out. But if I were 100% honest, this is what the letters would look like:

Letters to Bumblebee

Dear baby, You probably know by now I’m sentimental. You also probably know I love documentation, organization, and data. That’s why I write about everything “big” in life. You know I wrote your daddy “dear husband” letters dating back several years before we ever met? It’s because I wanted to believe he would be real someday, I wanted him to know I was thinking about him, even before I knew him. Well, baby, I’ve done the same for you. I’ve been writing letters to you since daddy and I decided we wanted a “you.” Here are a few of those letters.