Infertility is really hard. It’s also pretty lonely. Through this process, I have been really outspoken. I’ve posted things on social media. I’ve never left it out of conversation, and I am blatant about our struggles when people ask questions. I’ve made a lot of friends that way. People have reached out to me to say “me too.” I have a network now. Different infertility diseases, different points in the process, different religions, different ideas. But we all are infertile.
Baby Bee,Oh my dear. I love you, so much. I love you so much it hurts. You don’t even exist yet, but I love you. My dear bumblebee, are you lost? I think about you every single day. I think about your laugh. I imagine what it will sound like. Will it be deep and … Continue reading 14 March 2017
Someone said insanity is doing something more than once and expecting a different result. So why am I trying a 33rd time?
Sometimes everything just goes according to plan. All the pieces come together and you can’t help but think this is meant to be.
If one more person tells me some version of “just be patient” again, I might make them a hospital patient.
“Don’t lose hope!”
Thinking about expanding our family revolves around spreadsheets and budgeting tools. It revolves around calculators and FSA accounts and numbers that start to swim together on the screen as my eyes well up with tears.
I have an aversion to the prospect of failing. Read that again. It’s not so much an aversion to actually failing. It’s the prospect of failing. The idea and the possibility of failing are worse than the actual failure.
Christmas is my favorite. While I am not the biggest fan of being cold, I love the sleepy atmosphere when all the trees and grass fall asleep under a blanket of snow. I love the bustle of people in the kitchen preparing food that could feed a small army. I love the excitement of finding the perfect gift for a difficult-to-buy-for family member. I love the giving nature people adopt and the smiles that are given so freely. The twinkling lights adorning homes and the smell of the fire and fir tree inside make me so content.
They say “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” It’s a pretty broad statement that can be applied to many different circumstances. Specifically, I’ve heard it attributed to marriage. If a tough circumstance doesn’t end your marriage, it ends up making the bond stronger.