Free Babies


I’ve picked up this annoying habit of classifying babies as “free” or “not free.”

“Oh my gosh, Kristo, you make it sound like people buy children off the black market ha ha ha”

But… am I wrong?

Sure, it might not be off the black market, but people do buy children. It’s what I am doing.

When I think about expanding our family, it doesn’t revolve around daydreams of tiny baby toes or the smell of powder. It doesn’t focus on gummy, toothy, milk-drunk smiles. At least, not anymore.

Thinking about expanding our family revolves around spreadsheets and budgeting tools. It revolves around calculators and FSA accounts and numbers that start to swim together on the screen as my eyes well up with tears.

My baby will not be free.

I spoke with one *ahem* friend, who said something along the lines of “Like, OMG people who can’t, like, afford infertility treatment obviously can’t afford a baby LOLZ.” (okay, maybe she didn’t say it like that, but I needed you to feel the eyeroll I held back.

This is how I responded:

Me: I got tickets to go on that gameshow, and I won a car!

Her: OMG, I am like, SO jealous of you! I need a new car!

Me: Ugh, well it’s not THAT great; I still totally have to pay for the insurance and taxes on it.

Her: Well yeah, I’m sure that can get like, super expensive but like, you got it for free! You can give it to me instead! I can totally afford insurance and stuffs, I just totally can’t afford the price of getting the car. LOLZ.

Me: Well, if you can’t afford to buy a new car, you obviously can’t afford the cost of maintaining the car, so you better just not get a car.

Still me: Just like IVF and having a baby. I can afford to take care of a baby, but I’d have to pay to get pregnant AND to take care of the kid.


She has three free babies.

I’ve paid several thousand on a baby that doesn’t exist yet.


4 thoughts on “Free Babies

  1. Couldn’t agree more. We’ve spent a total of almost $50,000 on 2 IUIs, 5 DEIVFs, and 2 years into the adoption process as well and have nothing to show for it except a miscarriage, 40 pounds of weight gained from the anxiety and depression, almost no money in retirement, and an adoption agency that’s telling us we’ll probably have to wait another 2 to 4 years… and I turn 43 in a few weeks. And then I turn around and see people complain about their pregnancies or their children and it just makes me want to punch a wall.


    • Ugh, I’m so sorry. :/ it’s so hard to spend thousands and thousands of dollars in what most get for free. And then to turn around and complain about what they have is devastating. :/
      I really hope 2-4 years is an exaggeration and you get your child soon. ❤


      • Nope that’s what they told us this summer because the Ethiopian government has slowed things to a near standstill. When we started out the wait time was only a year, now they are our people I know with our agency who are just getting their referral after 3 years and then there’s another 18 to 24 months wait to actually bring the child home… so you end up bringing home a toddler instead of a baby, who’s had to live in an orphanage that whole time because of government bureaucracy.


      • That’s horrible. When the whole time there is a family waiting for that baby. How sad that there’s so much red tape and politics in the way of giving a little one a good home.


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