Failure & Decisions

I have an aversion to the prospect of failing. Read that again. It’s not so much an aversion to actually failing. It’s the prospect of failing. The idea and the possibility of failing are worse than the actual failure.

Because of this, I have an issue with making decisions. Even simple, little decisions. Do I want Mexican food or Italian food? Well I can’t make that decision. What it I get the pasta and regret it because I instead start craving the chips and salsa? I failed myself.

It’s really hard when the decisions hold more than a happy tummy in the balance. Should we just keep engaging in timed intercourse? Or do an IUI? Or do IVF? There are pros and cons to all of them. I don’t want to keep failing at making a baby, but I also don’t want to make rash decisions and spend more money than necessary.

Pros to IUI
Cheaper per cycle @3K/cycle
Could work since his sperm count is increasing
Could work because I have been pregnant multiple times in spite of low count…
Cons to IUI
Pay for 3 cycles up front
Maybe won’t work
No way to weed out bad sperm/eggs, so still chance of miscarrying
Pros to IVF
Great likelihood of success?
Cheaper compared to if we do IVF later
Aggressive approach
Cons to IVF
No genetic testing, so I could still miscarry
Only one cycle included
Lots of missed work
Will miss my first niece/nephew 😦
~$1000 more than the IUIs
..Aggressive approach (Would I waste extra money on this? Maybe the IUI would have worked…)


The current “plan” is for H to go get another SA. He will do that early next week. We agreed that if his total count has reached 40mill, we will go for the IUI and do the DNA fragmentation test as well. My doc says once you wash and all that, only half of what you started with is “good” sperm. The minimum she likes for an IUI is 10 mill, but the best chance of it working is 20 mill. So, that’s how we arrived at that number.
Part of me thinks that count is impossibly high. But his last SA showed his count more than double in just under two months. It’s been now 3 months, so if it kept up with the trend, it’s possible… but it typically skyrockets, then tapers, so while it’s possible, it’s not probably.
Getting the SA will at least put us at ease in knowing if we are being silly skipping the IUI or if we are just giving us our best shot.

Thoughts, ideas, opinions?



4 thoughts on “Failure & Decisions

  1. Why do you say no genetic testing with IVF when there is genetic testing of embryos available via PGS and PGD ? I myself I’m not a big fan of IUI as it only increases your chance of success by a couple of percentage points, and IVF increases the possibility of success by 20% ( or more if you’re using donor eggs). I think a lot of doctors love to push Clomid and femara multiple rounds of IUI because they make so much money off of it. All I can say is that if you do IVF to make sure and get endometrial receptivity testing (ERA) since 25% transfers are done on the wrong day – something I didn’t learn until after 5 donor egg IVF Cycles including one miscarriage ( we are doing the ERA biopsy test in a few weeks and doing our final 6th round of IVF after our receptivity day is confirmed). It’s all expensive and Incredibly stressful, and my big lesson learned is if I had to go back I would have never even bothered with the IUIs and gone straight to IVF, and would have done genetic testing and ERA from the start to make sure I wasn’t wasting thousands of dollars on bad embryos or implanting them on the wrong day.

    Everybody has their own unique circumstances which makes it hard of course, But ultimately all I can say is ask a lot of questions, get second opinions, and advocate for yourself because they won’t do it for you and every doctor has a different way of treating infertility… there is no real standard protocol out there.

    Good luck!


    • With the specifics offered through the “special deal” it’s a fresh transfer only, so no genetic testing is done. We do have the option of adding it, but it’s about 3K extra… which I’d love to take advantage of, but I’m not sure if we have enough time to come up with the money. We are 100% out of pocket, so the ~10 K is already a huge stretch for us. I think the tentative plan is to have the first transfer as fresh and have the testing on the leftovers so our second transfer (if the first fails) will have the testing completed.
      I’ve heard a lot of people say they wish they’d skipped the IUI, so I’m more and more convinced that’s the way to go. Thanks for encouraging that option, too. I’ve never heard of ERA… I’ll definitely do some research into that.

      Thank you so much for your information and opinions. I appreciate it so much!!


      • Oh okay so it’s Financial, no I totally get that. With our donor who gave us our eggs, we ended up with 13 good embryos and had no idea that genetic testing was available until after they were frozen and so it became too late to do it, so we’ve already gone through two thirds of our embryos with no success, and that’s where I wish we would have had testing and come up with the money for it, because the stress of so many fails has just killed us emotionally and financially.


      • We will definitely have the testing done before the second round. It’s kinda strange. With what is offered, we pay for the fresh cycle in January, but it doesn’t actually happen till April. So when they do they ER in April, we can add the testing at the time. But we still have to go through with the fresh cycle first. So they’d only test the leftovers. Hopefully this way, by the second transfer all our embryos will be tested. I’m still going to try and come up with the extra money to do the testing right off the bat, but the money is due January and that’s reallllly short notice.


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