The Adventure I Didn’t Want to Take

I never asked for this.


I had a plan, you know. I was gonna graduate college, go to my dream college, get a degree in the sciences, find a great guy, get married, have kids, live happily ever after. For a while it worked. I checked off my boxes one after another. And then I reached the “have kids” portion of my list. I even went as far as getting pregnant. But then I miscarried. It’s pretty common, I heard. I was told to try again and to forget about it. So I did (try again, not forget about it… that proved to be impossible). And once again, it worked! But the same thing happened. I lost my beloved baby. Third time is the charm? Obviously not,because I lost that little one, too. Three babies, gone.

The finally agreed, something must be wrong. Thus started the testing. First it was CD3 bloodwork (that’s “cycle day” for you fertile Mrytles). When that came back clear we tested all the rest, TSH (that’s a thyroid hormone), progesterone, ovarian reserve, ultrasounds. TSH was borderline, but fine. Progesterone was a tad low, but “shouldn’t” be too bad. Ovarian Reserve, good. So we did a SA (semen analysis). That comes back pretty bad. Now it’s been a whole year since we had last gotten pregnant. So now we have more problems. We wait a couple months, recheck SA. It’s even worse. We get a referral to a urologist. Husband goes, doc finds multiple bilateral varicoceles (that’s varicose veins in the testicles). So he gets an ultrasound, they find they are pretty tiny, so probably aren’t causing any issues. Doc puts him on Clomid, which is normally used in women, but for him, it should increase testosterone, which should increase sperm count. It’s been three months. The count is traveling up.

I’m still not pregnant. I’m given a referral to an RE (reproductive endocrinologist). We have a phone conversations, they send me for some repeat labs and tell me to get an HSG. Ouch, by the way. That comes back clear. Another call to the RE, we are scheduled for an IUI in January.

Meanwhile, we turn in our application to be foster parents. We pass the initial background checks and wait for November 22 for our first meeting with the social worker.

So now we just wait.

I didn’t ask for this. I want to have a baby now.

We’d long ago nicknamed our child “Bumblebee” as a play on “baby bee,” which was a play on “baby B” which was shorthand for “baby Burris.”

I thought we’d have our bumblebee now.

Instead, we are on an adventure I didn’t want to take.

But it’s an adventure that is worth it, and will make our bee even sweeter.

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